Marvel Marathon #2: Iron Man 2

(During quarantine my girlfriend and I are going through the Marvel movies chronologically. Surprisingly, she is really enjoying them, maybe even more than me. We are already a couple down and I’m gunna do write-ups for all of ‘em, the good and the bad.)

So I had never seen Iron Man 2 before. I heard it’s shit so why would I watch it?

The verdict… yeah, it is shit. But it’s really fun shit. Stupid, stupid fun. Though it totally ruins the reality and the tone of the first one. Iron Man did such a great job of setting up this world that explores morality – being a weapons manufacturer then seeing what those weapons do first hand in a war zone. Iron Man 2 fucks all that out of the window for Sam Rockwell dancing on stage with robots.

Actually, Sam Rockwell playing a goofy war criminal might only be the 8th dumbest thing in this movie. The top spot goes to Stark DJ’ing in his Iron Man suit at his mansion then pissing in the suit.

It doesn’t end there, all of a sudden Stark decides he wants to race in Formula 1. Like, no training, nothing. I get Stark’s a billionaire and doing what ever the fuck he wants is his schtick, but driving, let alone racing one of those things is impossible unless you’ve been learning for months.

Tony Stark in Iron Man 2

Right before that scene, guess what? More stupid stuff. A cameo from Elon Musk out of nowhere. What the fuck is going on? But, like I say, it’s fun. I kinda love how balls to the wall stupid and random it is. And if it was anyone else but Downey Jr., it probably couldn’t have been pulled off half as well.

The “bad guy” is the same as Iron Man 1’s antagonist just with added goof. Some weapons scientist that wants stark’s tech, literally exactly the same. If I remember rightly, that’s what happens in the third one too. Whiplash, is bad ass thought, especially when he’s whipping those Formula 1 cars in half – probably the best scene in the movie. It’s too bad he’s reduced to nothing but a lab rat for the rest of the film.

The whole movie is an absolute mess and makes no sense. Again, in the first movie, Tony spent long periods at a time learning how to use the suit, yet War Machine just gets in the suit and he’s a pro immediately. How?

It’s so apt that Don Cheadle replaced Cuba Gooding as War Machine. Don Cheadle’s War Machine has more charisma and suits the MCU “style” as we know it. Gooding’s War Machine was like “Tony, you can’t just do that, that’s wrong and you have to pay for your actions.” The new War Machine is all like, “Oh, Tony, you silly rascal.”

Iron Man 2 is also the first movie with an army of machines that the heroes have to destroy, so I blame this film for end of The Avengers, Avengers 2, every fucking DC movie, all of them.

That’s the verdict.

Oh, couple more things I liked about it – Captain America’s shield being as a door weight or whatever, and Black Widow being had as fuck.

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